Most people in the church choose to fast from certain types of food and some people dive in with a purely juice fast. Since I have just started really getting back on track with my nutrition, I decided that a typical fast might not be the best choice for me. Instead, God highlighted an area that He has repeatedly called me to sacrifice in - TELEVISION! Eeeeek! While I have tried repeatedly to surrender in this area, I have not yet been able to completely give up TV for any extended period of time. About six months ago, God spoke very clearly to me asking me to get rid of TV and I did finally get rid of the TV in my bedroom and while that has significantly cut my "screen time" I can still easily spend 2-3 hours a day (or more!) in front of the TV without even thinking about it.
When I am really think about it, I know that the TV is a huge crutch for me. To be perfectly honest, I am truly scared and overwhelmed by complete silence. When I am home by myself, I turn on the TV because it makes me feel less alone. It allows me to become engulfed in the drama of someone else's live - albeit real or fiction - and experience those emotions and situations rather than facing the reality of my own life.
So, on Saturday (1/24/2015) I officially began my 21 days of fasting from TV. And let me be even more specific here - that means no Netflix, no Hulu, no DVDs (except my workout videos), no TV-like entertainment of any kind. I am still allowing myself to watch sermons online and listen to podcasts, but that is the extent of it.
The first two days went by so quickly and were so easy for me. But they were also chocked full of social events, time spent with friends and other activities. Today started the work week though, and as most of you know - I am currently out of work. So, I woke up this morning with the prospect of a full day with nothing to do. Nothing to fill the spaces and the voids that I saw in front of me. I'll be truthful and admit that I panicked when the alarm went off and simply went back to bed for a couple of hours!
I have tried to dig into a couple of books that I have had sitting on my bedside table for months and months, but to no avail. I am still overcome by this overwhelming sense of loneliness, uselessness and uncertainty.
The good news is - I am NOT giving up and I am NOT giving in. I know these feelings are lies and that I am not only surrounded by wonderful people in my life, but even more importantly, I am FOREVER in the presence of the most loving, present and gentle God I could ever know. So, I am putting on my praise music and I am going to worship through it. After all, fasting is more an act of worship than it is an act of sacrifice. So I'm "gonna lift my hands 'til I can reach Heaven, I'm gonna shout Your name 'til the walls come falling down!"
My hope and prayer during this fast is that I will move from the struggle of silence to appreciating and even longing for the beauty and the glory of silence. I pray that I will become even more comfortable being still in God's presence and waiting to hear from Him.
Stay plugged in here as I continue to blog throughout this 21 day journey and beyond...
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