A sweet gift from my Father...

Y'all, this fast has been hard, like monumentally, trying to break me kind of hard. Please hear my heart on this - I am so thankful for this time of fasting and prayer and what I am learning. So, I say this not to complain, but to clearly express a few things...

1. My flesh is WEAK! I crave TV like you might crave a drug. It is sad and I am so thankful for this time to get real about that and break my dependency on the television as a companion.
2. When you commit to a time of prayer and fasting, a time of intentionally seeking God's heart, the enemy comes at you with both guns blazing!
3. In the spirit of being brutally honest, being ALONE is my biggest fear and I have been confronted with it HEAD-ON during this fast!

So, all of that brings me to today when I basically laid in my bed for the majority of the day feeling completely overwhelmed, ALONE and unable to stand up under the weight of it all anymore. I felt miserable and I was probably also miserable to be around, but there was no one to tell me that except for my dog - and she has yet to master the ability to speak.

Even when it came time to head to church - which is a place I LOVE to be - it took every ounce of energy to convince myself to get out of bed, take a shower and head out the door. But I did and even when I got there, I was still pretty miserable. I was angry and sad and still lonely, even though I was surrounded by loads of people.

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Now bear with me and follow me off this other side path for a moment while I share a small story with you. When I get home at night, the first thing I do is greet my dog and then head to the back door to let her out. If it is particularly dark, or cold, or windy or scary out there, she will go halfway out the door and then turn around to make sure I'm there. And on some nights, like tonight, she won't go out at all until I come and stand at the door to watch over her. 

My dog KNOWS that she is loved. She KNOWS that I am here and that I am not leaving her, but sometimes she just really, really needs to know FOR SURE that I am really there. And so, I take the few extra steps to the door to let her KNOW, KNOW that I am here.

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Now, back to my story. At church tonight, our worship pastor asked if anyone had a prayer request to share and my heart began to beat out of my chest. I am normally very good with brutal honesty and sharing what I am dealing with, but tonight I did not want to. I was embarrassed to admit that something that seems so trivial - giving up TV - for three weeks has nearly wrecked me. But I really felt that I was being urged on to share my heart and my story truthfully and bravely. And so I did. I shared that I was feeling utterly alone and I asked them to partner with me in praying against this spirit of loneliness and fear.

And when I did, nearly the ENTIRE room - more than 30 people - immediately stood to their feet and surrounded me and laid hands on me and prayed with me and hugged me and scheduled dates with me. And even after I left church people were calling me and messaging me and texting me to check on me.  

In other words, God got up and walked the few extra feet to the back door with me and let me know, like REALLY KNOW, that He is here with me.  I KNOW that I am loved and I KNOW that God is with me and He will NEVER leave me. But sometimes, when I get extra lonely, I need to KNOW - KNOW that He is there for me. And He never hesitates to take the few extra steps and stand at the door with me to let me know that He is there. 

My dear friends, please know tonight that YOU ARE LOVED, that GOD IS WITH YOU and if you need it, just ask - He will take a few extra steps just to remind you that He is really there!