Why I am sharing...

So, after publishing my first post about my 21 Days of Fasting and Prayer, I felt a bit convicted about sharing my fast in such a public forum. In my devotion yesterday, I was reading from Matthew...

"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you." (Matt. 16:16-18, NIV)

WOW! Was this for me? Yes. But, did this mean I needed to take down my blog and stop sharing? I think the answer is no, and let me try to explain why. I think this verse was a gentle reminder that even in my sharing I should not boast about my willpower or in any way imply that I am doing this out of my own strength. And that, my friends, is truly not my heart behind sharing. If you think the TV has stayed off in my house for six days due to any ounce of my strength, then you are so wrong!! If it had been left down to just my willpower, there is no way I would have missed T.G.I.T. tonight with all its Scandal and McDreaminess. And there is definitely no way I would have been able to resist the final, final, final episode of Parenthood.

But, alas, the TV stayed off tonight due completely to the fact that my Father - my loving, caring, kind and gentle Father has given me the strength to walk through this fast. He has also given me the grace to fully experience the refining struggle that is going on within me. It has continued to be hard. I have literally cried because I wanted to turn the TV on so badly - sad to admit. I even threw a straight up temper tantrum yesterday because all I wanted to do was to check out, zone out and tune out with the TV. And God's great mercy covered me for that. Instead, He invited me to dig in, dive in and lean in to His Message of love and hope for me!

We were encouraged last night at our small group not to let this fast bring any shame on us - not to feel guilt for the nagging desires that we feel, for the temptations we seem powerless to overcome or even for the times when our steps may, in fact, falter. Instead, we were invited to walk boldly and confidently into the love, grace and mercy that God is pouring over each of us as we walk through the individual fasts He has called us to.

My hope, sweet friends, in sharing this journey with you is only that you will be ENCOURAGED!
That you will be reminded of God's steadfast love for us.
Of His endless mercies that wait for us new every morning.
And His sweet grace that covers us - even when all we want to do is turn Him off and turn on the TV.